“I’m not a perfectionist? I’m just ambitious and work hard. True, I’m overwhelmed and exhausted, but I can’t stop because then I won’t achieve anything and feel like a failure.”
I hear these thoughts a lot, about how overworking is seen as a pathway to success and achievement. With fear of failure if we develop self-care and self-compassion, taking a break.
In this episode, I dive into perfectionism, overworking, shame, high standards and fear of failure, and how we experience more joy when living an imperfect life, with a fellow expert on perfectionism: Jennifer Kemp.
Jennifer Kemp is a privately practicing Clinical Psychologist, author, and busy mum, who works with clients who are struggling with perfectionism and the mental health problems perfectionism facilitates and maintains. She is the author of The ACT Workbook for Perfectionism, integrates Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), behavioural, and Compassion-Focused approaches in her therapeutic and consultation work.
We cover:
- Perfectionism as a set of behaviours
- High standards as rigid rules
- Musts and shoulds create pressure
- Fear and avoidance of failing
- Self-criticism for mistakes
- Perfectionistic standards running in families
- Hope that we can change these patterns
- Short term relief vs. long term costs
- Checking and reassurance seeking
- Anxiety about being good enough
- Costs from overworking and avoidance
- Perfect, unattainable goals lead to failure
- Shame drives perfectionism, as discomfort we want to avoid
- Willingness to be uncomfortable with anxiety around mistakes
- Self-compassion as antidote to perfectionism
- Being a recovering perfectionist
- Perfectionism as umbrella to depression, anxiety and eating disorders
- Stepping out of the comfort zone
- Living an imperfect life that matters, following values that light you up
Find Jennifer at https://jenniferkemp.com.au/
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find out more about my upcoming group coaching for women who struggle with perfectionism and not feeling enough by messaging me – www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/contact-us/
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
