A evidence-based way to improve your relationship without going to couples therapy.
Guided by Michaela Thomas, Clinical Psychologist, Couples therapist
and author of bestselling book The Lasting Connection
Life often seems so busy, which can get in the way of you enjoying life together like you used to.
Maybe you have more of the negatives now, arguing and disagreeing, and less of the positives of fun and laughter – nothing like those early days when you loved just hanging out in each other’s company.
After 2020, surviving a global pandemic and having spent a lot of time confined in the house together, tension might have built up and made you doubt your relationship at times.
This self-paced, online course will teach you the skills you need to reconnect and move forward with a fresh, more compassionate perspective.
My name is Michaela Thomas, and I’m a Clinical Psychologist, Couples Therapist and Author of the book The Lasting Connection. I created this course to help couples access a relationship expert without having to leave their own home.
When you understand yourself better, and understand your partner better, you can both survive and thrive together, working through hard times as a team and creating good times built on joy and companionship.
Over twelve weeks, I share my expertise and proven methods in videos, audio teachings and reading materials created to help you and your partner work through issues – and come out on the other side happier and stronger than ever.
✭ Essential tools to ease everyday interactions and decision-making
✭ The impact of past experiences on your current situation – and how to escape the vicious cycle which has led you to this point
✭ Techniques to soothe yourselves, to help you positively resolve conflict
✭ Why reducing criticism is the key to living a more content, joyful life together
✭ How to be more compassionate and kind to yourself, and to your partner
✭ Proven ways to deepen your connection and create a love that will last
By that point, sometimes it’s too late to repair the damage done – or at least, it’s very challenging.
This online, self-paced course is your opportunity to pause, reflect and repair before things go too far – and before intensive therapy is needed.
The truth is, waiting is likely to make things worse. If you had toothache, but you waited six years to see a dentist, chances are you’d need some teeth pulling out. The only ‘better time’ to take this course was yesterday.
‘As humans, we all have the capacity for compassion, but our modern lives are so busy that we lose track of our empathetic connection and instead become preoccupied with scoring points and winning arguments. My course is packed with teachings and tools so you can rediscover your compassion for each other – and also your compassion for yourself.’
What if you could understand your partner’s behaviours and feelings better, and that be reciprocated by your partner?
Imagine the time and energy you’d save yourselves, from not having to repeat the same old patterns of arguments? If you could calm down quicker and resolve disagreements sooner?
Get complete access to the pre-recorded and self-paced course, plus two 1:1 online therapy sessions with me (one before you begin the course to establish the issues which are causing you most difficulty, and one at the end to reflect on what you’ve learned and take things forward).
I’ll help you make it happen.
When you are unkind to yourself, being critical of yourself, it also impacts on your relationship with your partner. I wanted to help partners tune kinder self-talk, to also facilitate for kinder talk with their partners. Criticism is like termites, one or two of them won’t matter too much to your relationship house, but if you have an army of them, of constant criticism between you and your partner, it can take your whole foundation down.
All relationships require work – but, when you’re in it, it’s hard to see exactly where to start. In this course, I’ll guide you through the necessary steps to resolve conflict and to build a solid foundation for a loving, happy future.
You’ll get immediate access to the first lesson after you sign up. Then, once a week for the following twelve weeks, you’ll get access to a new lesson.
Each week you’ll get videos and audio recordings from me. There will be one main teaching video a week, where I instruct you to pause and discuss, or do an exercise, to make the learning interactive. There are also worksheets and exercises to focus your learning, both as individuals and as a couple. Think of it as earmarked time for you to chat in a structured way, with some great conversation starters as you go through the materials.
Together, you’ll need to set aside around 1.5 - 2 hours each week to watch, read and listen to the lessons – as you will be pausing the video to discuss what these bring up for you. I call this Reflection & Connection. There are also exercises you can do on the days in between lessons to further your progress. You can use these audio exercises completely on your own, independently of your partner, and they will benefit you for years to come if you make them a priority. Any inner work you do on yourself, will ultimately benefit your partner too.
Before you start this work together, you need to think about why you are doing this. What will you gain from talking about your thoughts and feelings? How will your relationship benefit from taking this time together? What potential costs are there?
Understand what makes love last and what satisfied couples do, and learn how love is not enough to keep the connection; you need compassion too. You will understand your emotional ‘flammability’ and what ignites a fire with your partner, learn about attachment styles, assess your relationship satisfaction and what areas of your relationship need attention and then set an intention for the work to come.
What does connection and compassion mean for us in our lives, and why do we need them in romantic relationships? You’ll learn what causes couples to disconnect, and how mindfulness and compassion can help bring you closer together again. You’ll practise simple mindfulness exercises and learn the neuroscience of our tricky brains to understand why we are sometimes upset long after an argument is finished.
Here you’ll learn more about your emotions, and what defensive strategies you might use when you feel triggered by your partner. You’ll learn the difference between your threat, drive and soothing system, and get exercises to practise how to soothe yourself and feel more safe and content, to have better conversations with your partner.
Learn what makes a compassionate person, e.g. tone of voice, posture, facial expression and actions, and develop your own compassionate self – you on a really good day. We explore what gets in the way of you being kind and compassionate to others, if there are any fears, blocks or resistances around this. You’ll get to practise letting your compassion flow out to others, including random acts of kindness, and also directing this flow towards your loved one.
Lots of people are blocked or fearful around receiving care and kindness from others, not allowing themselves to ask for help or depend on others. Here you’ll practise being aware of and appreciating when your partner does something kind for you, and allow yourself to let all that love in. You’ll create an inner mentor to support you.
The last flow of compassion is from you to you, learning to be kind and compassionate to yourself. You’ll get to practise looking after yourself, because self-care is couple care. You will create an understanding of the shaping of you, as well as the shaping of your partner, making sense of why you act like you do in the present. You’ll also learn to write a compassionate letter to yourself. If you struggle with self-compassion, and have an active inner critical voice telling you off for mistakes, you’ll practise softening and soothing that inner critic here, so you will also be less critical of your partner.
You’re learning new habits for a lifetime, in just 90 days, so take this week to pause and reflect on your progress and catch up on any bits you’ve missed before the next module. Practice gives progress, so use the exercises to build muscle memory.
Learn the skills of actively listening and speaking to each other, in a mindful and compassionate way. Understand how non-verbal communication, such as facial expression, posture and tone of voice matters, and practise how to start up a conversation in a better way.
Tune into what really matters to each of you, by using a values exercise, and see if you are living your lives in a meaningful way. Become curious about how you can act more like the partner you want to be, in line with your values.
Building on your communication skills and values, you’ll learn to make better decisions together as team, finding compassion and acceptance for your differences. You’ll practise problem-solving and finding a compromise which leaves both of you satisfied, instead of ending up with a sacrifice which leads to resentment.
Emotional connection comes from surviving hard times and thriving together in good times. Here you’ll learn how to turn down the heat on your negatives such as arguments and criticisms and see what you are doing too much of, not doing enough of, and what you are already doing well. Then you’ll turn up the heat on your positivies, strengthening your closeness by trying a range of pause, purpose and play activities together.
Here we make sense of the different parts of you showing up in arguments with your partner, like anger, anxiety, sadness and self-criticism, helping you develop compassion for all the parts of you, and your partner. Prepare for the rest of your journey together, stronger and with a deeper connection, by also becoming aware of and preparing for any potential pitfalls or stormy seas putting strains on your connection.
Use your compassionate communication and compassionate courage to dare to get physically close and be playful, using mindfulness and compassion in the bedroom. Learn the difference between performative sex and connected sex, and debunk some myths around desire and sex.
✭ Your marriage feels stretched – and you want to get back on track before your bond snaps
✭ You’re living together, and want to feel less like roommates and more like you’re sharing a life together
✭ You’re about to have a baby, and you want to make sure you’re prepared for the journey
✭ You’re engaged, and you want to lay the foundations for a deeper connection before you say ‘I do’
✭ You’ve suffered trauma or loss which has impacted your relationship, and you want to find a way forward with compassion
✭ You became parents a while ago, and you feel like somewhere between changing nappies and juggling a career, you lost your magic
One of the biggest strains on a relationship is the first year of a new baby’s life. Juggling being a parent with a career and running a home can push you beyond your limit, and result in you becoming the worst version of yourself with your partner.
I’m Michaela Thomas and I’m a Clinical Psychologist, Couples Therapist, Speaker, Author and Podcaster. I’m happily married (but not in a perfect marriage), and the mother of a 4-year-old force of nature.
I help ambitious, busy people find balance over burnout, so they can live, love and work in a more meaningful way. With my specialism being perfectionism, I know how important it is to focus on connection, not perfection.
I’m on a mission to show couples how to stay compassionate and connected, even when feeling under pressure, using my online courses and 1:1 therapy.
I’ve been featured on major health and wellbeing podcasts, such as the Calmer You podcast with Chloe Brotheridge, the Deliciously Ella podcast, and I’m Not Your Shrink by Dr Tracy Dalgleish.
To spread awareness around mental health and psychology, I have my own podcast, Pause Purpose Play with Michaela Thomas, aimed at high-striving and ambitious women wanting to let go of the pressure of perfection.
I had a challenging time in my postnatal period after my son was born, which certainly strained my marriage, and laid the foundations for my interest in perinatal mental health. I think that if we look after the relationship between us partners after we become parents, we also model to our children what they need to know about love and relationships.
That’s up to you and your schedule! There’s a new module released every week and you need to commit 1.5-2 hours each week to work on it together. This course is not designed as a quick fix you can race through, so you need to allow it the twelve weeks. Your brain needs time to consolidate new learning and your relationship needs time to build in lasting habits.
If you need longer than twelve weeks, don’t worry – you’ll get ongoing access to the materials. However, I recommend keeping up momentum by completing one module a week if you can. This is the best way to get results.
Changing relationship patterns doesn’t happen overnight, but if you regularly use the practices between the sessions, you can start to notice a difference within a few weeks. If you are calmer, and your partner is calmer, your interactions will be smoother – but only if you practice.
The course doesn’t include ‘live’ interaction with me, as the videos are pre-recorded so that you can access them when it suits you. If you need 1:1 coaching with me, you can purchase the hand holding option, which includes one 1:1 session before you start the course and another one as you have finished. Look at the two listed packages to see which suits you best.
You can book them using my online calendar once you sign up, and my clinic hours are 09.00-12.00 GMT Tuesday-Thursday. I don’t do evenings or weekends (as a compassionate act for myself and my family life!)
You can book them using my online calendar once you sign up, and my clinic hours are 09.00-12.00 GMT Tuesday-Thursday. I don’t do evenings or weekends (as a compassionate act for myself and my family life!)
I know you are busy, so I created this self-paced course to fit around your other commitments. You need to be ready and willing to commit a minimum of 1.5-2 hours a week to the course.
Remember, anything worth having is worth working for. Your relationship won’t improve if you don’t dedicate some time to it.
You’ll get email prompts and reminders to help you remember to log in, but I won’t chase you to complete this course. It has to be an investment in yourself and your relationship which you choose to make willingly. If you need to pause for a week or two, or slow down the pace, remember that you get life-time access to the course and can complete it when it suits you.
Yes, of course. Each package can be broken down into two or six payment installments. You’ll only get access to the Bonus Video of People Pleasing in Relationships if you pay for the course in full in one payment though.
I am confident that if you use the exercises in this course, it will change your life! I want you to feel confident about buying this course, so if you buy it, can show you have completed the first four modules and all the exercises within 30 days, but still aren’t satisfied, I will be happy to refund you within 30 days of your purchase. Attended 1:1 therapy sessions will not be refunded, as you pay for my time with you.
Yes, and you can contact me HERE to arrange a gift certificate. To avoid disappointment, don’t buy something for a couple without being sure both partners would be interested. Keep in mind that the course is non-refundable (unless all modules are completed and the couple are unsatisfied – as per the above).
Yes, very much so! It’s so important to lay down good foundations for a lasting connection, so this course will train your mind and relationship to be strong and healthy, much like going to the gym would train your body to be strong and healthy, or brushing your teeth properly could keep you from having tooth decay.
Well, that depends. Could you sit together and discuss a course without it getting too heated? You could definitely benefit from training your minds to be more compassionate so you can work on those issues, but you may need more handholding. I suggest booking a free clarity call with me HERE to see what’s going on. You could go for the supported package, of a little bit of handholding at the beginning and the end. If in doubt, email me to check it out.
Probably not. Training your mind to be more compassionate is still very important so that you can have an amicable separation on equal terms, especially if there are children involved. However, you’ll need more support and may struggle to sit together to practise if you have decided to go separate ways. If you are really good friends, and separate for other reasons than constant arguments or betrayal, you could consider doing the course together to get a good closure to your time together and learn from what has happened.
I hear you. It’s hard to take a look at yourself, and make space for tough conversations with your partner, when we would rather switch off with Netflix in the evenings. My hope for you is that this will feel like a nourishing thing to do as well, as the audio exercises are aimed at calming your frazzled mind, so that you’ll feel more at ease and content than you would after a night just scrolling on your phone. If you spent one night a week on this, you could still relax on the sofa on the others. I’m not judging, I know life is busy and you need your downtime.
The reward is there for you though, and having helped so many couples look after their relationship, I know how rewarding it is when your relationship is functioning well. When your relationship is well, you are more likely to be well. When you are well, your relationship is more likely to be well. So take this opportunity to nourish not only you, but also your partner and your relationship. The efforts made will pay off as a positive ripple effect in not just your love, but also your life.
You can always drop me an email on [email protected] to see if this course would be a good fit for you and your partner!