Intimacy after kids, with Catherine Topham Sly

In this episode, two couples experts get together talking about the hardship of having sex after having had kids, with the sleep deprivation, change in roles, breastfeeding, exhaustion and possible resentment getting in the way. Don’t worry, we lift you up by also providing hope around how you can reconnect again sexually, with emotional and physical intimacy.

Catherine Topham Sly is a BCAP accredited counsellor, writer, and speaker who specialises in relationships, and particularly the challenges of staying connected with your partner while raising a family together. A communication and intimacy specialist, Catherine offers research-based therapy, coaching, and online courses, supporting parents to reconnect and stay close after having kids.

We talk about

4:58 Insight and connection

6:33 Physical and emotional intimacy are two sides of the same coin

8:26 Different triggers for sexual desire

10:42 The effects of rejection

11:07 How to break the cycle of rejection

12:26 Avoiding people pleasing

13:43 How much sex are people really having?

15:31 Performative vs connective sex

17:58 Reconnecting after a traumatic birth or the early days of parenthood

19:42 The benefits of reconnecting

21:20 The effect of the coronavirus pandemic on relationships

24:40 Talking about our values

26:39 Advice to expectant parents

28:52 The effects of breastfeeding on libido and intimacy

30:36 Hope for couples who have gone through a long period without intimacy

32:41 Returning to sex

34:26 Getting out of the habit of touching

35:36 Sex doesn’t have to be penetrative

36:26 When it’s time to go our separate ways

38:22 Seeking help when it’s needed

41:03 Setting good habits in a relationship


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This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media